Whoa, Fetus!

“When you moved, I felt squeezed with a wild infatuation and protectiveness. We are one. Nothing, not even death, can change that.” 
― Suzanne Finnamore, The Zygote Chronicles

Now that the baby is almost hitting her 5.5lb mark (according to the infamous pregnancy app, What to Expect: Pregnancy edition), I feel her in ways I haven't before. During the earlier months of my pregnancy when I felt the first flutters of life, I remember how magical it felt... of course this was after I realized that it wasn't gas but rather my child wiggling about, so the magic was that much more magical (those who know the magical release of gas during pregnancy, you feel me). It was also a reality check... pregnancy gives you a lot of those. There is a person inside me! She has her own plans, motivations, thoughts, dreams, and they are growing with her as she grows inside me. She is also running out of room! Now that she is almost ready to see the world, she is making her presence known in a whole new way... kung-fu roundhouse kicks to my ribs! She prefers the left side and is quite a powerful kicker. The magic of feeling her first fluttering movements like butterfly wings against my womb has turned into obvious baby feet to my ribs and various organs. The first "for realz" kick I felt was so surprising I cursed out loud... awwww, her first reprimand.

Don't get me wrong, I love feeling her move and wiggle around... but there are moments (usually when I'm about to go to sleep) that I wish she would be still. For now, I poke her back (lovingly of course) and practice my pelvic tilts and circles to lull her to sleep or to just give her more room. Here is a link to some other suggestions for getting baby into a more comfortable position :
Positions for a Comfortable Pregnancy

If you have any suggestions for making baby (and therefore me) more comfortable, I am certainly up for them.

6 weeks to go, folks!!!!

Comparing Pineapples and Oranges

I've been away from my blogging duties for too long. It has been a rather trying and hectic last few months but having come out of the other-side, I can truly say that there is always a reason for every happening, even the unpleasant ones. People will try to knock you down and out, especially when they see that you are vulnerable but it is important to stand your ground, keep your chin-up, and do NOT be afraid. I am constantly surprised, shocked, and disgusted at the lengths I have seen privileged hypocrites go to in order to "hit their bottom-line" or "put someone in their place" but that is just fine, the Universe has a way of making all fools pay for their short-comings and nasty attitudes. That is all I will say about that because that's all that needs to be said.

On to happier reports, after all the craziness, the baby and I are healthy and right on track. As I round week 34 of this pregnancy, I'm learning more and more each day about the social aspects of pregnancy. For instance, I had to hold back some cynicism I was ready to spit after a new mom wanted to harp on how uncomfortable she was at 18 weeks; her back aches, her heartburn, her this and that. It made me stop in my tracks and think about where that sudden rush of "just wait, chica" actually came from. I had actually tried to compare her experience with mine in an impossible way. Then I thought back to how I felt at the beginning of my pregnancy and how new and extraordinary everything felt to me and even how after experiencing some scares and tough news, my experience is still just my own and I hold no rights to say mine is tougher than the next woman's. Motherhood (and pregnancy, for that matter) seems  to be like a club; you only get bragging (or whining) rights by collecting those stripes... what a load of bs. I need to remember that everyone's birth experience is very different and equally extraordinary. Just like I'm sure there are some seasoned cynics who scoff at this blog, I tried to scoff at this poor new mom's lament... what a jerk am I! I started this blog to help me have a way to connect to other new and seasoned mom's, not to showcase my issues. And she was lamenting as a way to reach out... I felt like such an asshole! As much as I love to connect with others and share experiences, this reaction in me made me think... I had forgotten myself for a minute. Luckily, instead of letting my cynicism take over, I ended up talking with her about some remedies I had discovered. She, in turn, had some information that I didn't know and so the sharing and growing and bonding was allowed to flourish... like it always should be. I'll whine when I want to whine and if another mom needs to whine on a shoulder, I will happily and whole-heartedly lend mine.  I've always been about building community (that's why I was so drawn to non-profit and social services for a career) and becoming a mom is yet another avenue for building a different type of community. We are the only ones who understand what we are going through. Motherhood is humbling... I hope I stay open to all this new learning. So moms EVERYWHERE, give me your advice and stories about your difficult/amazing birth experiences, I am listening :)

By the way, my pregnancy app says that the baby is the size of a pineapple... now I want pineapple!

Two can Be the Loneliest Number

Three Dog Night has a song called "One is the Loneliest Number" and my favorite line of that song is the one that goes "...two can be as bad as one, its the loneliest number since the number one." I've felt this resonate in relationships, both intimate and friendly, but the last place I would think to meet this concept would be pregnancy. Being pregnant has been one of the most alienating experiences of my life and I can only imagine how that may or may not change once my daughter is born. I've forgotten how to be social and the life of the party, I've forgotten how to take breaks for coffee with friends, I've forgotten what its like to go on impromptu dates with my boyfriend, I've simply forgotten.

The alienation would be easier to swallow if it wasn't also compounded by an inert feeling of inadequacy... as a mother, woman, provider, community member, and friend. My body is rebelling and changing (I don't even recognize my ass or my boobs anymore), work sucks, I can't stay awake through a whole movie, I can't drink alcohol... the list goes on and on. It makes me wonder how many other mothers and mothers-to-be are in the same lonely boat drifting in a sea of maternity? Even when we try to reach out to others and say "hey, I need a friend" or "hey, could you remind me that I'm still fun despite my inability to move quickly or wear normal pants", we are often met with the same response... "I thought you'd be sleeping" or "Sorry, there was alcohol at that party. I didn't think you'd want to come." As if 'drunk' was contagious, 10pm is only for the non-childbearing, and all pregnant women want to do is eat... the last is mostly true but hardly my point.

I've never been more in-tune with how things around me are changing than in these months of growing a person. Its like my intuition, emotions, and bodily functions are all amplified by my "condition". We can try talking it out with our friends to let them know that "its ok to drink, curse, and be loud around me... I'm having a baby, I'm not in rehab or becoming a monk," but there's no guarantee that anyone will believe you. And in the end there's nothing truly to be done... you can start a blog, write a letter, complain to your significant other that he or she is not being mindful of your needs, bug your friends until someone wants to meet with you during the day for coffee. The truth is... things have changed and will continue to change and that's ok. No one can handle it and manage the balance better than a mother... I hope. Still... its pretty depressing to turn on whatever social media you are inclined to use at the time and watch everyone enjoying an exciting Saturday night out, a show, a movie, a gathering of friends, a world full of people (instead of being full of people... hehe). Oh well, my blog post is done and my heartburn is back so I think I'll make a cup of warm milk and try to sleep it off... I've heard that the baby can see light if you run a flashlight over your belly, maybe we can work out a Morse Code... good times.        

Over the Shoulder Boulder Holders

Now heading into my 23rd week, the boobs have become an issue. I've gotten to the point where I have to start wearing bigger bras. I've started buying nursing bras but without being really sure how big these puppies are going to get, it feels like an impossible task to try and predict. Also, at almost $50 bucks a pop, I'm trying to buy ones that I can hopefully wear once the newbie arrives. In my search for the right bra, something has perplexed me. Mainly, why do all of the nursing and maternity bras look like granny underwear. Like a good portion of prego ladies out there, I'm struggling with some body issues right now, specifically my body does not feel like its my own, let alone sexy. Don't even think about feeling sexy popping on one of these bad boys on:

BAM!! See what I mean? As vessels of life and creation, don't we deserve to feel like sex goddesses... even if for just some of the time? Or, if sex goddess is a bit too much, at least feel like the beautiful women we are; perhaps not busty vixens but at least beautiful mommas.

I recently sent a request to Victoria Secret asking them why they don't have a maternity line and the response I got simply said that they didn't currently have a maternity line but that my suggestion would be passed on to their product development people. In other words, "thanks for inquiring but we only help make the babies, not support them." Meh. So I went on the hunt for something elsewhere. I found a site called "Hot Milk"(http://www.hotmilklingerie.com/), that has designer maternity lingerie. I've been impressed by some of their products and plethora of sizes but there is still a lack of variety.

So the hunt is still on. I appreciate comfort, especially these days but I don't see why sexy has to give way to practicality. A balance can be maintained. Mommas of all shapes and sizes deserve to feel sexy, beautiful, and supported right down to their bra straps.    

Burn, baby, burn!!!

As women, our bodies are remarkable. We produce and alter hormones in our body that help transform us into walking, talking incubators (like if Optimus Prime could create more Autobots & had a vagina). We can move our organs around (turn our hearts, even) to make room for our babies. And when the time comes, (and regardless of how scared poopless I may be that this time is coming) our bodies have the strength and power to push that baby out. A WHOLE FREAKIN' PERSON!!! Just right out of the na-na... if everything goes according to plan... and yet... with all of our remarkableness and astounding Transformer-rivaling abilities... have we not created a hormone that will prevent HEARTBURN?!?! I mean the ish is ridiculous! Its like Dante's 9th circle of hell is trying to break forth from my esophagus at any moment.

I've been told that it can be controlled by not eating acidic things, and drinking tea, and taking Tums, or drinking apple cider vinegar... and hell! I'll try anything short of sticking an icicle down my throat.... wait... yeah, no, I won't do that, but anything else, I will try. If you have a remedy that has worked for you, I'm willing to listen and try.

Hello, world, this is our squash!

This is our baby girl. She is 21 weeks along and this week she is the size of a SPAGHETTI SQUASH! I update my wonderful boyfriend, Atiba, about the status of our "fruit" regularly... whether he likes it or not. From heartburn to gas to the awesome baby movements... oh and the crying, because my hormones have turned me into a giant exposed nerve... come hell or high water, he gets me... all of me. I couldn't think of a better person to share my genes with other than this man... I'm having my best friend's baby. 

So I'm starting this blog about halfway through my pregnancy because Atiba came up with this awesome cheesy name after my repeated updates about the size of our fetus in comparison to various produce. Awww I remember when she was just a large plum... with fingernails. They grow up so fast *sniffle*. 

Being pregnant is one of the strangest feelings I've ever experienced. Sometimes I'll even forget that I'm pregnant... not in that oops-I-drank-a-fifth-of-rum and forgot I was pregnant kind of way but in that was-that-gas-oh-shit-that-was-a-baby kind of way. Now that she's a little over a pound and I feel her wiggle a lot more, that is certainly less of an issue. There is no mistaking a dome to the bladder or an acrobatic roll under the ribs... she's pretty active when she wants to be. I love being pregnant, despite all of the oddities and uncomfortableness... what's even cooler is that I have a supportive partner who rubs my belly (and talks to it every morning) and makes me ginger tea when my heartburn flares. I'm a lucky momma and so ready for this crazy ride!